Touching incident

Tomorrow I have social studies and English tests. Haish. English don't really need to study, SS I think just read through okay liao.

Today, my level had a badminton interclass, and I went to watch. I have a classmate, normally very mischievous and playful, he's from the badminton CCA, the only badminton player in our class. Maybe he feels some sort of responsibility, maybe it's because he wants to play, but he still came to school today, spending more than half of the day in the sick bay, and looking pale.

He played in all the matches we had today, winning some, losing some, but obviously the fever was affecting his accuracy and control. And I think he felt bad for losing, yet he was still teased. He was sweating like hell, lips and face extremely pale, and yet still refused to stop playing. Sometimes being too stubborn isn't too good. At times like this, I wonder if he prefers people acting like normal rather than caring too much, because he was acting as if nothing was wrong.

One game consists of one male doubles, one female doubles, and one mix doubles. I was in the last mix doubles with this sporty guy from my class, and I feel so bad for losing. We lost the male doubles, won the female doubles, and I lost the mix doubles. And my partner was being so nice about it. T.T thanks for being so kind. I kept saying sorry...*sigh*

Anyways, at the end, he took his temperature again, and it turned out to be 39.5 degrees cellcius, and that's waaay too high to be doing sports, but he refused to go home.

There was a major jam at the bus stop, and his best friend had offered to bring him home, since they live so close by. Me and my friends offered to pay for the cab fare. But apparently, due to the jam, they couldn't couldn't find any cabs or buses. Then they had to call his father to fetch him, so he had to go back into school to wait.

That brings me to the thought, if he had a fever since yesterday, why did his parents allow him to come to school? Was it because they didn't know? But he went home midway through school yesterday, yet came to school with a fever today. So if they know, do they want him to come to school despite that? Or do they not care enough, and coming to school was his choice?

No matter what, I guess I kinda admire him. Coming to school despite being sick, pressing on despite his high fever, and yet managing to act as if nothing was wrong. Really, first time seeing these kinds of situations in reality.

B.A.P SINGAPORE, #987askBAP Questions

B.A.P is gonna have a Live on Earth Singapore and I CAN'T GO T.T I'm so freaking sad right now :'( *Sigh* It's on a school day night so what can I do :/ It's on August 8th. Sighs. So close to National Day.

Apparently Dee Kosh from 987 fm is going to interview B.A.P *insert squealing*. BUT. I don't know when it's going to be aired or whatever, unfortunately :(. But what I do know, is the questions going to be asked in the interview ;). Found on Dee Kosh's twitter account, @TheDeeKosh. Today, on Twitter, #987askBAP was trending fourth worldwide :D Yay.

Well, but Dee Kosh said that there are 12 questions, and I found thirteen, so I'm not sure which isn't included, but I'm sure he mentioned all of these :/ Well, roughly those are the questions! ^^

If you wanna see some other interesting ones, you can just go to twitter and search the hashtag #987askBAP. There are some questions which would be nice if they answered but didn't get picked, but I had no time to go find anything else. It's 11.34pm, I'm mentally exhausted, I need to bathe, and I need to sleep. I still have school tomorrow, 2 tests!! >< So goodnight and goodbye :)

Tests

*Sigh* keke it's the day before the test and yet, here I am, writing a blog post. :p

Tomorrow I have Chinese and Physics. For Physics we're tested on Pressure, the chapter I hate the most T.T My Physics is actually quite okay, just that I'm bad at pressure, or at least, I think I am. hpg, P=F/A, work done, hydrolic press, brakes, mercury barometer, cm hg, atmospheric pressure etc etc. Well, I've read through it, I think I understand, so....I think I'm good.

For Chinese...we're being tested only 4 chapters of ciyu. HAHAHAHA. Compared to what HCl students have...keke. The joys of normal chinese students. No HCl oral (which passed alr btw), no HCl 'O' Level this year...haha. But we'd have to take HCl in JC if we don't take it in Secondary soo.... :/. Oh and I hate SPAs, Science Practical Skills. We have assessments this year etc etc, and the worst part is, we have to draw graphs T.T

These few days, some of my dads friends, neighbors or something, are coming to our house quite often, and honestly, I don't mind, but sometimes it's exceedingly irritating. Today, some Ahlian came, apparently sitting on our sofa, drinking something in a plastic cup, using her phone and yet studying some notes(?), and she spilled her drink on the floor, stained our sofa, ruined her notes, and dropped her phone. I guess she's okay? Or is she acting this way out of guilt? Well, I wouldn't know. Now my mom is cleaning it up. *Sigh*. Sometimes, I'm just so irritated. Maybe she's only acting this way because of my mom, but I'm not one to judge :/. Whatever, I don't know her, so I'll just decide not to care. OUR SOFA T.T

Life Recently

Hey, it's been a long time since I last posted anything. I'm so tired recently T.T

School. Getting up at around 6am, released at around 2.10-2.20, having after-school activities, expected to be able to finish homework, study for tests, and at the same time, exercise and stay healthy, and also to have enough sleep. Since when do we have so many hours a day? Last time I checked, we have only 24 hours per day, and 8hours is spent daily in school hours, learning things I highly doubt we will ever use when we're working. *sigh*

It's exhausting, I tell you. I have 5 tests later on this week. Chinese and Physics on Wednesday, Social Studies and English on Thursday, and Biology on Friday. And I still have so many activities going on... T.T

I'm actually not watching much Kpop now, I have no idea what to watch and I'm really lost T.T please help me. I'm watching some videos here and there, and I finally updated my fanfic yayy. Like finally. And then I'm writing some random stuff here and there, and I'll post some sometimes :).

CCA is...well...less boring and tiresome as it used to be, but I'm not totally excited about it. My juniors are...disrespectful, to say the least. I want a break, like seriously. The weekend was too short.

Oh, and I finally went to borrow some books, 6 to be exact, from the library. I don't really know what is recommended, so I just randomly pick out some and see what seems nice, and borrow them. :/Maybe I should read Wattpad? Seems like it has some good stories on it...

Recently I feel like cutting my hair too. I feel like cutting some fringe, but I'm afraid that it would turn out weird :/. I dunno. I got bored of my current hairstyle sooooo.....

Well, I'm probably getting a haircut really soon, and I hope I'll find some interest in something...or maybe I'll just stick to fanfictions for the time being, at least it improves my English :p.

Bored

Hi once again. The weekends are almost over, and I'm bored out of my mind. I don't know what to watch now. I'm over my Shinee craze already, and now I wonder if I should watch more varieties, or start watching dramas again, or read fanfics, or read mangas?

On Asianfanfic site, most of the fanfics are all revolved around OCs, or 'you', either that or it's AU, and I really want to read fanfics that has BL, and yet are not AU, meaning still in 'celebrity world'. I can't seem to find any, really. And I really wanna read good ones with romance, and have different groups interacting etc in it, yet there seems to be none.

For Mangas, I feel like rereading some mangas I've read in the past, ones that I used to like a lot, since I feel like I've forgotten what most of them are about, rereading would prove to be entertaining.

For dramas, basically I'd watch whatever there is, most probably gonna start with Reply 1997, or Rooftop Prince, or some other popular ones. I think I've watched too little Kdramas.

I'm most likely going to choose variety though. I'm more a variety person, don't know why. For varieties, I'm considering watching Running Man, since I've haven't watched it, and I know how popular it is. Either that, or We Got Married. I've watched a few episodes of We Got Married, but I don't know where I've stopped, so I would have to go find out before I can continue watching it. Talking about WGM, seeing how they pair people up and stuff, I was thinking about how great it would be to have a same sex pairing to be allowed on the show, and then putting all those famously shipped malexmale or femalexfemale pairings on it. I know it's highly unrealistic and impossible, seeing how homos are not that welcomed in Korea, and how some people would hate it, and that it would be highly uncomfortable for the idols, but, well, a girl can dream. Maybe they should create some variety show where they jokingly pair up some same sex couples or something, that would be fun to watch too.

Or I could start watching other groups. I've tried watching a few SNSD varieties, I watched a little here and there, sure I like them, but not enough to watch everything of theirs. As a female, I guess I'm just more interested in male groups. I'm thinking of watching B1A4, or Infinite, or Exo, or FT Island, probably one of these.

I really need to find interest in something right now. Once in a while, I find myself in these kinds of moods, where there is nothing I'm extremely interested in. First it was cartoon shows, then kiddy shows like Hannah Montana, then it was Taiwanese dramas, then it was Anime, and then Manga, and then recently Fanfictions before I got into Kpop. I was into fanfiction for a looong time before I got into Kpop. Before I actually got into Kpop, midway through my fanfic obsession, I was obsessed with DB5K. Only until recently did I finally decide to watch Super Junior, and I only watched because they were mainly the only group I knew of besides DBSK. That started my Super Junior craze, and then I moved on to Shinee because my sister told me that Taemin was pretty. So I watched Shinee's Hello Baby, and decided that I liked them. Now, I'm thinking of watching B1A4's Hello Baby, since Hello Baby was what got into Shinee.

Back to topic, I need to find a new interest. I need something I can look forward to everyday, or else everything will be a bore. Currently, it's not as bad, since I'm still interested in Kpop stuff, I've had worse where I felt empty and didn't feel like doing anything. Hopefully I'll stumble onto something that can make me 'obsessed'.

All the 'Why's, and a little about Me

I'm in one of those moods of mine again, where I start thinking of all the 'why's in life. I think about everything, and then conclude that there's no way I'll ever be able to find out.

Why do we exist? Why is there the Earth, why is there a universe? Why do feelings exist, and why are they feelings? Why does everything happen? Why are there living beings, instead of one big blank, why does everything that exists, exist?

And then I move on to thinking, why is our society like this? Why was this system invented? Why is it compulsory for everyone to attend school, or you'll be deemed as 'trash' by society? Why do we need to go to school to learn things we most likely won't ever need in the future? I assume schools were created in the first place to educate people who WANT to learn, to pass on the knowledge to students who crave for it, but how did it become a compulsory? Was it because countries wanted to have 'smarter' citizens? Or do the government just want the citizens to survive in this dog-eat-dog world, where most people hire based on education?

Then why does this system of trade exist? Why was money invented? From way long ago, I assume there was no such thing as trade, there was just giving and receiving. I believe everything stemmed from selfishness, the wish to own, the greed to possess more. The giving and receiving then turned into trade, the kind of, 'you give me what I want, and in exchange, I'll give you what you want'. From there, it morphed into selling and buying when some smartass decides to create this thing called 'money', something that everyone can own instead of trading things in your possession for other things. Then from there, from selfishness and greed, everything grew into what we have today. For everything, you need money. You need money for food, you need money to stay somewhere, you need money to get something, you need money to go somewhere, you need money to watch something, you need money for everything. Because money exists, and everything requires money, everything becomes a cycle, where the poor work to survive past each day and the rich work to get more. A customer buys from a shopkeeper, the shopkeeper then becomes a customer, and everything goes round, because we all need money to live. Why? Because that's what we've become.

And then there're those rare few, that earn to give, to help those that don't have the capability to learn. This act is then called charity, a form of goodwill. There are those doing charity from their heart, and there are those that do it from their minds, for the fame. 'Money makes the world go round', it'll be foolish to disagree with this statement. Even if you don't have that greed for money, even if you think many people don't, it's a fact that if you don't have money, you would have to struggle to survive past each day. Why is money so important? Why have we made money to be this important?

These are all 'why's that I don't think I'll even find out, and so I question instead, myself. I often ask myself in my mind, 'What am I living for?' I honestly don't know. I'm not suicidal, I'm not in a hurry to die, but I'm not that scared of death either. After death, it's just blankness, isn't it? Either that, or the fabled supernatural things happen. I ask myself what I want, and I can provide no answer. I ask myself what I have a passion to do, nothing comes to mind. When I was young, I wanted to become famous, even now, I still do. But in Singapore, that's highly unlikely. I'd rather give up hope, because I know that it's never going to happen. Sometimes I wish I were a boy, somehow I feel it's more fun. Sometimes I wish that I was born in another country, houses are cheaper in some areas, but then again, I quite like Singapore. If I imagine myself in the future, all I imagine is a working lady, with a repetitive daily life. I would wake up, go to work, get off work, go home, sleep. Some other days I would hang out with friends, or do some other stuff.

I then realize what I want is those small things. I want to be well-liked in the future, not necessarily the kind that people go, 'oh! That girl is the one boys chase after, she's pretty!' not even, 'oh, that girl is the one that everyone likes, that popular girl!'. I want to be well-liked in the sense that when people think of me, they think of, 'fun', 'cheerful', 'nice', 'good to hang out with'. Aside from that, I want to have the experience of living with someone, not a family member. I want a friend that I can fight with one moment and get back to being friends the next, the kind that will joke with me, may say bad things about me but never means it, the kind that would trust me and stand on my side. I want a friend like that, just one is enough. I want to experience that freedom, where I don't have to get permission just to go out of the house just to buy a drink, the kind of freedom where I can have slumber parties and late night movies with friends. I want to experience that warmth of having a sweet lover, someone that isn't a jerk, that actually cares for and loves me. Late night meetings, long phone calls, overseas trip with friends, and many more.

Then I realize that if I narrow it down, everything boils down to two words, 'freedom', and 'love'. I want to be pampered, because I've never been before. I want to have the freedom I haven't had before. I want to have the trust that I deserve, and yet don't receive. I want to be showered with love, at least once. I want someone, just one, that I know will stand by my side no matter what, that wouldn't talk behind my back because they genuinely like me for me, and would say whatever dissatisfaction they have right to my face, because they trust that I would take it well. I want someone, just one, that I could give back that trust, that I can believe in, that wouldn't lie to me unless for a good cause. I want someone that can make me trust them, because so far, there hasn't been anyone that has gotten close enough and hasn't yet betrayed my trust. And lastly, I want to fall into a mutual love, at least once. It's not that I don't believe in love, but I don't think I would ever fall in love. Crushes: yes, infatuation: yes, love: no. But I still hope. Because without faith, what else is there?

I hope I'm not being too much by hoping for these, but really, these are all that I want.

Taxi drivers

Today's school day was quite broing, as usual, but 'slacker' than usual. Out of five one-hour periods, first one was some form class admin stuff, then chem teacher had parental care leave and there was no relief teacher. Half of math period was free, then second half was spent doing a few questions, or slacking. But I still have to complete 20 comprehensions, apparently the essay is to be handed in next week. But at least I borrowed my higher-chinese friend's book, I'll copy his answers :3.

Taking the cab home today, and I had another encounter with a weird driver. I've encountered many types of taxi drivers, once or twice females, some rude, some exceedingly nice, some flirty, some braggy, and some just crazy. Not exactly crazy, but just plain weird.

I've had before a taxi uncle who scolded me for not having enough money to pay him, I was a few cents short, and he drove around a much longer way, causing a fare which was supposed to be $10-15 to become $20++. And then I've met before those that gave me discounts, and wanted to give even more just because I was a student, those that rushed and drove as quickly as they could just to help me get to school on time, even when I never requested them to, even though I wasn't even late. I've met one before that talked about how he didn't know the directions that well, and that passengers should know their way and not scold him for not knowing his. He also gave me a whole long lecture on how students shouldn't be late for school, and how not to be late. One of the most memorable ones I've met, would be the one that kept bragging about his singing, saying that he posted videos on YouTube, asking me to watch him, subscribe to him, etc etc. And then he started singing throughout the ride up until the end, trying to persuade me to watch his videos. Not that I'm dissing his dreams or anything, people should have dreams, But your singing is...not quite good enough to become a singer.

Today, my dad couldn't find his keys and he told me to take a cab home from school so I could open the door for him, and then I've met yet another eccentric taxi driver. Today's driver, I think, has ADHD. When I first got on the cab, he we as murmuring to himself. And then later after I told him where to drive to, he started talking about my school and all. Then he started singing a song, and then whistling, and then at a red light, he was so restless that he start tapping/banging his hands around the car. After a while later, he started singing all of a sudden, again. And for the rest of the ride, he was singing, and it's funny how he struggled to keep his voice stable as the cab rode through bumps on the road, making the whole vehicle shake and all. It was entertaining, yes, but I'd rather not meet another one of those weird drivers, it was way too awkward for my tastes.

Past few days

Weekend was over a few days ago, and I'm having an incredibly boring week. School is so tiring, and I have homework. T.T I screwed up my math test today, with some stupid careless mistakes. School is just so tiring. I have 20 chinese comprehension to do, and not in questions, but as in 20 passages, plus one essay. I'm going to die T.T and it needs to be handed in by Friday. I hate Chinese.

Haven't been watching much lately, haven't got much time. I've been playing a little bit of the piano recently, trying to pick it up without any proper learning. I used to learn piano when I was about 5/6-8 around there, and then I stopped so I don't remember much.

I've been reading some fanfictions on asianfanfics, and I can't seem to find good BL ones, but I shall not give up. I'm sure there are some out there that suits my tastes. And the search box for the site isn't really helping that much :/.

Furthermore, I think I'm getting into writing again. Maybe I'll post some of my 'excerpts' AKA random writings here. But before anything else, I should really really update my anime fics that I promised to update a month ago. I feel bad for making them wait, but ohwell.

Gonna spend my weekend immersing myself in kpop vids and fics, fanart hasn't got much either. Maybe I should start on dramas again? I never got anywhere the other time, watching a few eps only. I can't seem to find the good ones, and not just those that are immensely popular. Some relatively unknown ones are okay too, I could accept them, but I can't find any T.T . The last drama I watched was Sungkyunkwan Scandal, and I didn't finish that either  don't know why. Must be a habit of mine. I should really go finish it. I have a really bad habit of giving in to the temptation of reading spoilers, from YouTube comments to searching on Google. I should kick this habit, but it really isn't that easy, or else it wouldn't be called a habit anymore would it?

I also haven't listened to any new songs recently, probably because I didn't surf YouTube, since normally that's where I first hear of any songs, especially from the recommendation bar on the right.

I should really go to sleep now, there's school tomorrow and I'm dead tired. Good night!

P.S. I can't wait till Heechul is out, another more 51 days!! :D

Kpop Music Videos

For the past few hours, I watched a few MVs, of which was (finally) BoA's disturbance. I finally got myself to watch it. I didn't really want to watch it in the beginning, the reason being that I heard (watched from Eatyourkimchi) that Taemin turned into Taeman. I love cute Taeminnie, so I didn't want to 'face reality', but I finally watched it today, and damn the music video is awesome. Even though I don't even know the meaning of the lyrics, since I'm not Korean and all, but the flashbacks, and then the hourglass was cool, especially the options at the end! That's a first time for me, and I loved it. I watched both endings, one was happy, the other was sad, but I think the 'Let time go by'(sad) ending is more realistic, since the whole video was about them drifting apart and all, 'going back in time' would be sort of deluding yourself, or in this case, Taemin. 

With the Taeman thing, I think most of the change is his hairstyle, and the fact that he looks MUCH skinnier. Maybe the clothes too? But he did in fact grow manlier, it would be weird for him to stay cute-looking forever. I'll accept it, Taemin is Taemin whether he's Taeminnie or Taeman, I still love him :). I still can't bring myself to watch him on We Got Married though T.T I don't wanna see him with another girl, I'm not ready yet. Maybe it'll be better if I watch some NaEun videos, and then if I like her, it'll be much easier for me to watch.

Moving on, I also watched Jaejoong's Mine, and it was AWESOME. The whole fantasy and goth theme. I'll admit, I didn't really understand much, not until I read other interpretations of the video, and then I finally understood. So much meaning in a four and a half minute video. Straight into my favourites :). The symbolism of the animals and the props, the lyrics, the tune, the settings, everything was so good. I love how Jaejoong puts so much meaning into his song, how he was trying to break free, how he was protecting himself, how he went through everything to finally get back up to where he is now. Extremely cool IMO.

At a certain part of the video there's a snake, and I can't help but to remember the time when Jaejoong was still in DBSK, they went on Star King and Jaejoong revealed that he wasn't afraid of snakes. There's also another part of the video where he's half-nake (HOT) and showing his tattoos, apparently meaning that they're part of him, and I can't help all the feels. He has the AKTF tattoo. And TVXQ. And a bunch of others.

*sigh* He's hot. Oh and I only just heard that JYJ performed in Japan with overwhelming popularity, and I feel so happy. I hope they have more success from now onwards, show SM what they lost <3.

Speaking of music videos, one of my favourites would be K.Will's Please Don't. The song itself is awesome, and the music video is extremely sad, and the plot twist was damn surprising (in a good way). Many people said it resembled Taeyang's Wedding Dress until near the ending, is it true? I've never seen Wedding Dress before, I've heard that it's tear-jerking and I couldn't bring myself to watch it. (There are waaay too many things I can't bring myself to watch). Everytime I remember it, I'm not in a crying mood, soo....I shall wait until I'm in my angst mood again before I watch it. Back to the video, that car scene where he was crying is so freaking sad, I even got teary and everything. And then that plot twist was so freaking surprising that all the tears just go away. That gay plot twist: best plot twist ever. Did I mention that I love BL?

I actually love plot twists sometimes. Oh and the part where you see the girl in the car before the guy appears in the end, I just have to say that I believe he was deluding himself into believing that he loved the girl instead.

Another video I loved was B.A.P's One Shot, with how the gang fight, the badass-ness, the guns, the anger. I heard the MV cost about a million won to make, and damn right it was worth it. Epicness overload. I just don't get why they rewinded it? But that was damn cool too, though I preferred the ending where they all got shot. Not being a sadist, but that way, they didn't get betrayed by the one guy they tried so much to save (Youngjae). The acting (mainly done by Youngjae and Yongguk) was pretty damn awesome. For me, the highlight was when Youngjae got shot, and all the members looked shocked (LOL at Zelo's face), and then when Yongguk's face morphes into rage as he whips out a gun and starts shooting. That was epic.

Although the picture is quite unglam, I loved the acting.

Also, just today, I started watching NU'EST (another 2012 group), mainly because of Ren, how he looks so much like a girl. Do I like girly looking guys or something? First Heechul, then Taemin, then Ren, well, whatever. I haven't watched much yet, so I can't decide anything yet, so far it's okay. I seriously thought Ren was a girl from a picture I saw though. 

Totally a girl in the pictue. Though, his personality so far is quite cool, calm and quite type, so I'll wait and see.

I'm going to continue watching NU'EST, maybe next EXO since they are popular and all. I don't know, I'll see where Youtube surfing gets me.

Anti-kpop(ers)

So, I was browsing this site with anime pictures of kpop artists, and this certain picture was comparing Big Bang to Fairy Tale, saying they sound alike. They picture was good and all, but what I want to rant about is the comment section. I want to say beforehand that I'm a fan of both Kpop and Anime.

First, someone started it by saying that 'anime is waaay better, kpop is okay but not on the same level', and then some idiot decides to reply with a 'shut up' and then rudely stating that kpop is better in broken English. The argument starts as more people started commenting. First, someone comments that 'Anime>everything' and then they all start insulting each other about how they know nothing of their fandoms and whatsoever.

Then finally, someone decides to try to be the peace-maker, sort-of. Then another idiot replies by saying that anime fans are blinded by their fandoms, as if you're not blinded by yours? Then it continues with nonsensical arguments, until another few people come and try to stop the fighting, which of course, was useless. The idiots continued their 'comment war for the pride of their fandoms', or whatever it is, and all efforts by outsiders were ignored. The comment fight continued to the point they started swearing and whatsoever. And then it ended with no particular ending, either the others got too angry, or they were trolling.

First of all, the most important rule I consider for everyone, 'Don't like, don't comment.' Simple. If you don't like it, don't look at it, don't waste your time commenting. Let the other people who want to see it enjoy it.

Secondly, we are all entitled to have our own opinions. Some people like Anime, some people like Kpop, some people like both, some people like neither. And it just so happens that the picture is a CROSSOVER, as you can see, and it is meant for people who know how to appreciate both forms of entertainment. 

For one, Anime and Kpop are both different forms of entertainment, and they both have their good points and large fandoms. So maybe you like Anime, and happen to dislike Kpop, but you still have to respect the others that do. Maybe you like Kpop, and dislike Anime, you still don't have the right disrespect their likes. Like I said, everyone has their own tastes and preferences, their own likes and dislikes, their own opinions, and you, a stranger, has no right to change others' opinions to suit yourself. Besides, you know that they're not gonna change their opinion because of someone who argues pointlessly on the net. If you really want to change their opinion, might as well go and find them in real life brainwash them.

It's either all of you are a bunch of no-life trolls, or you're all impulsive enough to act before you think. And now, you're not only insulting the form of entertainment, but also every single fan in their fandoms, that's just being stupid. Practice some anger-management and self-control.

P.S. To all peacemakers out there who are trying to stop an argument between Kpop and Anime fans, don't address Manga as 'comic', or Anime as 'cartoon'. Some fans get insulted.

Kpop Rants

Super Show 5 is today, and I can't go. :( It's a Saturday and I'll be spending the day watching videos again. I'm not sure if I have any homework, but since when did I bother? Monday's a holiday anyway, I could do them later (probably not). I'd rather not think of anything related to studies.

I'm watching Shinee videos again, and I can't seem to find any Star King videos online. I'm sure they've been on numerous times, is the show not that popular or is there too little screen time for fans to upload? :/ Talking about varieties, 2 more months till Heechul is out, it's been way too long. Can't wait till Heenim goes back on variety :D

I have trouble finding much varieties to watch, most of the ones I find are those I stumble upon when surfing through Youtube, and lots of them don't have English Subs, and I don't understand Korean. I'm still trying to find Star King episodes. Most of the time when I can't find variety, I end up rewatching a few ones I've watched long before, or I start watching a little of other groups before I end up getting back to search for more. I'm thinking of watching Big Bang next, or EXO (but EXO also came out last year, meaning not much varieties), or Infinite, or back to DBSK again. Once again, I miss the old 5 people group :(. They could've been so much more had they not separated, but not like I can blame them for it or anything :/.

Aside from reading, I think the best way to learn a new language is by watching. In the past, my chinese improved a lot during the period I was obsessed with Taiwanese drama, and then I understood a little Jap when I was obsessed with Anime, and now Kpop, and I'm learning a few words. I should watch chinese then, since my chinese sucks, but I have no interest for the moment.

I just read a while ago that Kpop is like soft power, whatever that means, since the Hallyu wave dominated the world apparently. I actually got into kpop very late, not counting DBSK, what a regret.

DBSK and TVXQ are actually the same thing, but I think people just use 'TVXQ' more for HoMin, the two members, while DBSK is usually used to refer to the five-member group, at least that's what I believe. TVXQ are still referred to as the King of Kpop, being the ones to lead the Hallyu wave, but they're not as big as they used to be, after having a 2-year (?) hiatus at the crucial period when Hallyu wave was coming, and then when they came back as two people, not five, I think it wasn't enough to shoot back up to the top. Yes they're still good, yes they're still selling lots of albums, but no, they're not considered the best anymore. That's what I find a pity, what would've happened if they didn't split? What could have been? But they did split, into JYJ and TVXQ, both are still popular, but not as much as I think they could've been. Maybe that's just my opinion.

And then now I'm thinking about Korea's national service. Super Junior members are going to be going in and out in the next few years, so there won't be a full Super Junior until all of them are done, I think. And I hope when they're all done, they'll still be as close, and famous. And then TVXQ and JYJ too, are eventually going in too. And then after they enter their thirties, they're gonna start getting married one by one, and then start living separately, start having children, becoming more busy...I shouldn't think too far! But I wonder how the groups will be like then, would they still be together? Hopefully. And then it'll be Shinee's turn to go in, and then there'll be so much more groups in the future......I should stop here.

Taemin is actually almost exactly ten years younger than Heechul, and they say that Taemin is an angelic version of Heechul, since they both look a lot like girls, dressed up as girls etc. The difference is that Heechul is 'proud' of it, while Taemin is 'embarrased', since he wants to be more manly. To confess, I didn't actually watch very recent videos of Taemin, but I heard he transformed into TaeMAN, so he must be happy. Or is it just his hair? Talking about hair, when Heechul is discharged from National service, how would he look like without his hair? :O Anyways, apparently bothe Heechul and Taemin had troubles going into the guys toilet before, due to their girly looks, that must be sad. It's like, a girl walking into girls toilet and thought of as a guy...And it's funny how no one ever actually compliments Heechul on variety, it's more like he compliments himself too much, and it's funny. Taemin is quite the opposite, always getting called cute no matter what he does, and then getting picked up so easily by others. I just watched some videos on Star King and Taemin gets picked up, like literally carried, by Kang Hodong, and then Minho carried him with one arm, then some macho-guy-wrestler, instead of attacking Taemin like he was supposed to, just grabbed Taemin and put him on his shoulder. Taemin must be too cute to resist.

I'm ending here, this post is way too long. Ja, until next time!

Performance

Third post today, and I don't care if it's weird. This post, will be about my CCA :). Yesterday, we had a perfomance, it lasted until 8+pm, and it was exhausting. We went off early from class, that's the good thing, and had to rush, eat, change, put make-up, and carry our instruments from the fourth floor down to the first floor in our heels in less than 1hour. And then when we reached, we went straight off to rehearsals, playing the 5 songs twice. After that, we moved to a holding room (more like a walkway), but it was decent. We then had free time until 4pm, giving us about 2-3 hours to wander around.

While walking around, there was this performance where a group of people were performing EXO's History. Which brings me to the topic, that days dance theme was cultural, today's was contemporary, and tomorrow's hip-hop and breakdancing T.T I wanted to see today's and tomorrow's, but I have no time :'(. I want to see people dance Lucifer, live. Lucifer is my all-time favourite Shinee song. Yesterday, I came to a realization that I prefer guys who can dance.

Okay, back to topic (I stray off a lot), yesterday's performance was terrible. Personally, I think I made a lot of mistakes, and everybody else did too, some more than others. Although I'm not one to say, there was someone who ruined the whole run for a certain song, all of a sudden bringing up the speed by two times, making it sound extremely, unbearingly messy. Some people just keep speeding up too much. Like hello? There's a reason why the bass is there. And then there's the fact that I'm sitting in the front row. I was so nervous at some points, which screwed up my playing. Maybe it's because I need more practice, but I hope the nerves ease out in the future, I mean, this is already my what, 7/8th performance? Yesterday's one was not even that large scale, there was 40 people there at most. All in all, the performance was a disaster, and my feet hurt from walking around in heels for so long.

I hope I get better, I don't want to drag down the rest.

Talking About Myself

Two posts in a day, I wonder if that's weird, but whatever, I'll do what I want to. As the title suggests, I'm going to talk about myself. I admit that I don't know how to use the site yet, I don't know how to write my profile. I tried, and failed. I suck at internet stuff T.T If you know, please do tell me, if I haven't already figured it out.

Well, to start off, I'm a fifteen-year-old female from Singapore, I speak English and Chinese, but my Chinese sucks. I'm a secondary three student, and I'm in a performing arts CCA. I don't have any dreams, goals, or anything like that. No motivation whatsoever, which I find really sad. I hope I find one soon. I don't like studying, but I don't hate it. Most of the time, I'm just lazy. I don't do any homework unless I really have to. I like listening to music, reading fanfictions, writing (sometimes), hanging out with my friends, talking (I talk a lot), anime (more of manga than anime), and kpop.

I listen to a lot of English songs, but I'm recently getting into kpop. I used to only listen to DBSK, with five people, really sad that they broke up T.T I was so obsessed with them at one point. My bias was Jaejoong, and then Junsu too. I still listen to JYJ and TVXQ, but I miss the five-people group :(. The lawsuit is over and everything, but I can't find any variety with JYJ, so if you know any, please tell me.

After DBSK, I didn't actually listen to any other kpop bands at all, until recently when I decided to watch Super Junior. In Super Junior, my biases are Eunhyuk and Heechul. And after Super Junior, I watched Shinee, my bias is Taemin (he's such a cutie). Recently, I started watching B.A.P too, but they just came out last year, so there isn't much variety shows with them. After B.A.P, I don't know what I'll watch :/. Yes, I'm the kind who prefers variety, but I love their songs too.

I could go on non-stop talking about kpop, but I'll move on. Next is Anime/Manga. Before my obsession with kpop, I was obsessed with Manga. I would check updates everyday, and I have a list of a few hundreds of Manga I read (of course, that includes one shots). My main favourites are Naruto, One Piece, KHR (sadly ended), Fairy Tale, and some others. Basically the popular ones. And then there's Lucky Dog 1 Blast. I don't know why I find it so cool, maybe it's because it comes from a yaoi game (yes I am a fan of BL), but the 'whole escape from jail' and 'mafia' thing going on is cool. Now, I don't check for updates that often anymore, and I read the latest few chapters once in a while. Last time I read Naruto, Sasuke joined Naruto's side saying that he wanted to be Hokage.

I write fanfictions too, mostly of BL, but I keep delaying my updates. I feel so bad, but what can I do when I don't feel like it? I'm sorry, my dear followers who are anticipating my updates, but I am a serious procrastinator that ends up not doing a lot of work. I know it's a bad attitude, and I want to change, but I'm procrastinating.

I'll end off this post by telling you that I'm not the kind to post everyday or anything like that, sometimes I'll post a lot, sometimes rarely.

P.S. I feel so stupid

First post

 Hihi! Just created this blog, hope it works out. This is my first post, and I'm still trying (and failing) to figure out how this works. I think I suck at internet stuff T.T. I created this blog to talk (or type) about my complaints and stuff, things I don't say in real life, problems I have, my obsessions and stuff. I'm probably not going to post frequently, but whatever. This is my first post, and firsts are always so awkward :/. I hope it gets better over time.

I'm going to remain anonymous to a certain extent for the time being.